Jewish funeral customs
Jewish tradition asks for a prompt, simple burial and gives mourners a set of stages that lead them back into daily life. Here is what to expect, for the family arranging the funeral and for guests.
Timing
Funerals take place as soon after death as possible, often within 24 hours. In North America burial usually takes place within about three days.
From the death until the burial the mourner is called an onen and is expected to focus only on the funeral arrangements.
Preparing the body
A chevra kadisha, a Jewish burial society, sends trained volunteers to perform the tahara, the ritual washing and dressing of the body.
The body is dressed in a plain white shroud (tachrichim) and placed in a simple, untreated wooden coffin.
A shomer stays with the body until burial so it is never alone, often reciting psalms.
Jews are traditionally not cremated. Many families do choose cremation today, and many Jewish cemeteries, funeral homes and clergy will work with them.
The service
Mourners may tear a garment, usually a shirt or sweater, as a sign of grief (keriah). Wear that garment to the funeral.
Flowers are generally discouraged. Families usually name a charity for donations in the person's memory.
Mourning
Shiva is the first seven days after the funeral. Mourners mostly stay at home, a short service for the Mourner's Kaddish is held there each day, and friends visit and bring food. Shiva ends with a short walk, such as around the block.
Sheloshim lasts 30 days from the funeral. Mourners return to work but avoid parties, concerts and other public entertainment.
For a parent, mourners traditionally say the Mourner's Kaddish daily for eleven months. Each year the anniversary of the death, the yahrzeit, is marked on the Hebrew calendar with a candle that burns for 24 hours.
The headstone is unveiled at a short ceremony, usually in the month before the first yahrzeit.
For guests
Instead of flowers, give to the charity the family names.
For a shiva visit, check the visiting hours the family posts. Friends often set up a meal schedule so mourners do not have to cook.
If you are not sure what is expected, ask someone close to the family. Plain, dark clothes are a safe choice unless the family asks otherwise.
Questions to ask a funeral home
- Can our chevra kadisha perform the tahara at your facility?
- Can you provide a plain wooden coffin and a white shroud?
- Can someone stay with the body until the funeral, or can our shomer do it?
- How quickly can you schedule the burial, and how do you work around the Sabbath and holidays?
- Do you work with our Jewish cemetery?
Common questions
- How soon is a Jewish funeral?
- As soon after death as possible, often within 24 hours. In North America burial usually takes place within about three days.
- Should I send flowers to a Jewish funeral?
- Flowers are generally discouraged. Give to the charity the family names instead.
- What is shiva?
- The first seven days of mourning after the funeral. Mourners stay mostly at home, a daily service is held there, and friends visit and bring food.
Funeral homes near you
Call two or three homes and compare their written price lists.